Hands up who felt anxious when it was time to go back to school following the summer break? Yeah, me too… The worries could vary from which class I was going into; to who I would walk to school with on the first day back to school. This might sound so trivial now, but back then these concerns could keep me awake for hours.
For many children, returning to school after the long summer break is a walk in the park, but for others, it can trigger huge bouts of anxiety and stress. Supporting your child through these sorts of feelings can feel like a huge challenge. Parents often feel that they simply want to fix the problem, but how realistic is this? Maybe you have said things like, “Try not to think about it!” or “Don’t be silly, you love school.”
The thing about anxiety is that often it is just like the school bully… the more they “try not to think about it” the more the bully wants to plague their thoughts, often leaving the child feeling like they can’t escape the torment.
I guess the next question would be, “how do I do this?” You can help your child to process their feelings by providing them with a safe place to just listen. It is important that when doing this, you do not interrupt them. Talking about their thoughts and feelings can make them feel very vulnerable, which is an emotion that they might not feel comfortable with. You can also make them feel more at ease by stopping what you are doing; if you have other children, maybe arrange for someone else to look after them while you have this conversation. Let your child feel that they are being really heard.
While your child is explaining their feelings, it is a good idea to not interrupt them. Also, check your understanding of what they are saying by paraphrasing what you hear. This will give them the opportunity to either correct you or to agree. Try where possible to ask them open questions, coming from a place of empathy; for example. “that sounds difficult, how does that feel for you?” However tempting, try not to promise that all will be okay, we don’t have a crystal ball and as much as we would like their return to school to be seamless, there is a chance that it might not.
The summer holidays can often afford you and your child the luxury of not having to keep to a routine. However, now is an excellent time to start thinking about about giving your child a structure to their day. It's proven that a lack of structure and routine can actually exacerbate any feelings of distress and make them pay more attention to the source of their problems. “If children don't have structure and are sitting around with less to focus on, then they also probably will find themselves thinking about the stressful situation more, which can also lead to additional stress and anxiety." (Rachel Goldman, PhD.)
Your child's routine doesn’t have to be too ridged, it could be that you make a start by trying to keep meal times to the same time each day. Then get back on board with your child's bedtime routine. When they have a routine, it stops their brain from searching for the next thing, it can also provide them with a feeling of emotional safety. Another tip would be to look at what you have to do the following day, even if this is, entertaining themselves for an hour, house hold chores or shopping. Then put the day into an order, maybe even write it on a piece of paper or a chalk board if you have one. This concept will be familiar to them, as it is often how a school day can work.