Worry and anxiety can be a very normal part of growing up. Children can feel anxious about a variety of things at different ages. As they get older they begin to experience new things and start to grapple with fear for the first time. Growing up involves emotional and physical changes and that can often be frightening for young people. As with any mental health problem, however, when anxiety is persistent and begins to impact a child’s day-to-day life it can become a real concern.
Anxiety is the body’s response to a perceived threat. When your body believes itself to be in danger it will respond in anxiety which can look like headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, panic, changes in sleep, appetite and physical activity; it can also look like restlessness in children or difficulty concentrating. Anxiety can be rooted in experiences that provoke fear such as bullying, bereavement or trauma, but it can also seemingly come from nowhere. It can often be provoked by stressors that rationally don’t pose a real threat and yet our bodies don’t always understand that. Anxiety is a very important response for when we need it. However sometimes our children need help to understand when the threat is not real and how to help their bodies know this. But how can parents help with that? Here's our top 5 tips on how to help.
One way you can support your child with anxiety is to help them in the moments they are feeling heightened anxiety. Anxiety is a physical response to a perceived threat and so to reduce that response our bodies need to know that they are not in danger. If you’re with your child at the time, reassure them of your presence and comfort them, letting them know you're there and they're safe. Another way to manage their anxiety is to help them slow their breathing down. Ask them to take 3 deep breaths, breathing in for 3 and out for 3. It’s also helpful to bring them back to the present moment by going through each of their 5 senses asking them to name something for each e.g. something they can see, taste, smell, hear and feel in the room.
It might be that they have particular activities that help them to calm down, encourage them to try these in the moment, where possible, and give them space if they need it. You can’t always be with your child when they’re feeling anxious and so it might be that you can write some cards together with different exercises or reminders for them when they’re alone and feeling anxious. This could include other people’s names who can support them or activities they could do to help. You could create a worry box for their room where they can put their concerns, setting aside time every week to go through them and talk about them together.
Having the opportunity to talk about their anxieties can make a big difference to your child. By starting a conversation with them about their worries and really trying to understand what life is like for them, they will feel loved and cared for. Find out what it feels like, ask them what can make it worse or better. Listen and be empathetic, reassure them that you know they are scared and that’s ok, you’re there for them and want to help them.
Often children with anxiety don’t want you to fix their problems, they want to be listened to and understood. That being said, if there are ways you can help them, having a conversation will bring these things to light. Sometimes it's helpful after an anxious time to reflect back with them and talk about what was going on, what contributed to their feelings and what could be more helpful in the future. If they struggle to express their feelings in words, encourage them to write down how they feel or use creative means to do so.
Fear can often be at the centre of anxiety, as our bodies alert us and prepare us for threats in our environment. As you talk more with them about anxiety it will be easier to see what fears lie underneath their symptoms. Perhaps it is fear of other people, fear of failing or fear of letting others down. As they begin to understand their own fears they will be able to recognise them in the future.
Avoid telling them not to be scared, this doesn’t take the fear away and can leave them feeling ashamed. Instead, help them to see that it’s ok to be scared while reminding them they are safe and not at risk of harm. As you help them to manage their fears, encourage them to set small realistic goals to test out their fears. Don’t avoid situations that provoke anxiety as despite this reducing the short term anxiety it can reinforce it in the long term. Through small exposure to their stressors over time, their anxiety is more likely to decrease.
As well as responding to the mental health struggles and symptoms your child might be having, there are also ways you can encourage them to be looking after their mental health in general. There are lots of habits and practices that can encourage good mental health and which can reduce the symptoms of issues like anxiety. For example regular physical exercise, eating a balanced diet and getting a good amount of sleep will all help the mental health of your child.
Having a good balance of work and rest in a week is also important so that your child is able to enjoy time off from school work and recuperate their energy. Try to have set times in the week where they can enjoy hobbies, have time with friends and family and do the things they love. Routines are also hugely reassuring and helpful for children of all ages. Try to stick to daily routines so they know what to expect each day and they can feel as prepared as possible.
Supporting your child with anxiety can be incredibly hard and take its toll on you. One of the best things you can do for your child is to make sure you are looking after yourself and your own mental health. Make sure you reach out for more help if you need it. Speak to your GP if you feel your child’s anxiety is persistent and having an impact on their day-to-day life.
Your GP should be able to help in understanding your child and their symptoms as well as signposting you to more support. It may also be worth speaking to your child’s school about your concerns and find out what ways they can support you. If your child's anxiety persists, then they may benefit from speaking to a counsellor who will be able to give them strategies and skills to help them.
If you and your child feel they would benefit from speaking to someone, why not take a look our counsellors, or get in touch.